Theoretically Speaking...

i need to talk.

Wed, 02 Dec 2009 15:23:13 -0500

i need to talk.

i wish i could change my writing style. i wanna be a more thoughtful writer.

Tue, 01 Dec 2009 19:03:49 -0500

i wish i could change my writing style. i wanna be a more thoughtful writer.

cuddle monster

Tue, 01 Dec 2009 10:54:00 -0500

cuddle monster

its winter. i want someone to cuddle wiiiith meeeee

Tue, 01 Dec 2009 10:52:01 -0500

its winter. i want someone to cuddle wiiiith meeeee

ahem

Sun, 29 Nov 2009 19:25:00 -0500

thinker’s block. and thus, a nonsensical poem:

unanimously unilaterally dynamic in size

unattractively retroactively demanding my prize

untimely unwinding recent findings in my thighs

with ungainly unwieldy funtastic gymnastic spies

supressing impatient temptations sensationally wide

"im not unfaithful but i’ll stray"

Tue, 24 Nov 2009 10:53:11 -0500

“im not unfaithful but i’ll stray”

(via emlove)

Tue, 24 Nov 2009 10:47:26 -0500

(via emlove)

(via eatyourdinner)

Tue, 24 Nov 2009 10:46:27 -0500

(via eatyourdinner)

meandering on internet popularity. isn't that an oxymoron?

Mon, 23 Nov 2009 20:53:00 -0500

why is being popular so important to people? why is it that people need to have a million friends or followers on the internet to feel important? everyone cant be a local celebrity! there are some people who are genuinely leaders in their craft, superior in their thinking, in their talents and abilities, but we can’t all be those people. we can’t all strive for cult followings of our internet personas, its just statistically impossible or something, everyone cant be famous, celebrated and adored.

im just sort of getting tired of feeling like the only reason people use certain internet networking or blog cites is to gain a liege of followers interested in their cooler-than-though party lifestyles or something. and not all of the people who gain these followings intend on being the annoying internet starlets i perceive them as, it is their followers that aggrandize their every move (or post, rather) that makes me feel like i’m in a high school hallway every time i look at certain twitter and wordpress pages.

[anti]social networking cites have become the intermediary for the maintenance of an illusion of superior social status, of coolness, and of exclusivity. now the used-to-be socially awkward have found their realm to be a brand of nouveax cool kid and arrogant snobs in an area of “expertise” of thier choice, typically fashion or music or art cuz thats, like, cool or something.

everyone can’t be a top model, everyone cant be as talented as tavi, the 13 year old self entitled style rookie, who has more of an eye for fashion and humility than most of the attention hungry “fashion” bloggers trapsing around the internet and twitter. in my opinion, what distinguishes a lot of the sensational fashion, music and art bloggers from the bunch is usually their humility, superior creativity, and passion for what they do that transcends the popularity aspect of using the internet as their medium. their craft exists with or without an audience. they’re not just doing it for the show, or to look cool because they have 100 more followers than the next person.

this is not to knock all of the serious up and coming celebrities who have chosen to use their internet personas to further their following or to hate on all the people with what i think are sub-par fashion, music and art blogs. My opinion of what makes a blog spectacular, or an artist genuine, are not unanimous for us all. It’s a good thing that people express interests in whatever direction their senses take them, and that there are innovating ways via the internet to give people the platform to do that. It’s the disproportionate rotten few that have turned the internet into a popularity contest that spoil it for the rest of us.

im really annoyed at my recent inability to take things that i KNOW i need to be doing seriously....

Wed, 18 Nov 2009 02:26:35 -0500

im really annoyed at my recent inability to take things that i KNOW i need to be doing seriously. deadlines are approaching and i know that logistically this might as well be the 11th hour. and yet i work in such opposition of what i KNOW i need to do!! its like im afraid that i’ll do badly on shit so i’d rather say it was because i left it all to the last minute than try hard and still do badly. despite the fact that if i was thinking logically and with some well due esteem to my intelligence, there’d be no doubt that i could produce work worthy of a good grade. im just afraid to tell myself that and be wrong.

flashback!

Tue, 17 Nov 2009 22:18:00 -0500

i listened to Kanye’s whole Graduation album the morning i graduated from High SChool. really that was such an emotionally loaded moment. nothing will feel that way again probably until my little brother graduates.

kari-shma: 6 (via mistybliss) this is cool, i had an idea for...

Tue, 17 Nov 2009 14:14:23 -0500

kari-shma:

6 (via mistybliss)

this is cool, i had an idea for the pages of old books, but its like sacrilegious to rip book pages!

rdrb: The Asus people put together a pixellated Mona Lisa out...

Thu, 12 Nov 2009 12:22:01 -0500

rdrb:

The Asus people put together a pixellated Mona Lisa out of spare computer components. Nice! (via Nerdcore)

tiiight

suicideblonde: suicidewatch:(via cosmic-dust) crouched people...

Thu, 12 Nov 2009 10:51:34 -0500

suicideblonde:

suicidewatch:(via cosmic-dust)

crouched people are sexiest

theres always an afterthought

Thu, 12 Nov 2009 10:33:46 -0500

…and mulling i did. this is what else my crackpot mind thought of to justify my lust: i meaaann im sayin, if we were fucking before alla tha dramatics, why not den?

and that was really all. but theres a lot in that! and its also really simple. the a lot is that i shouldnt (we shouldnt?) underestimate myself (ourselves?), because why cant we handle it? we should give ourselves more credit, and thats a we statement.

but maybe i get myself into trouble asking those kinds of questions. my motto 99% of the time is that i dont see nothin wrong!!!!!! so whyy whyyyyy whyyyyyyyyy can’t i just speak freely and touch accordingly!!?? because the part that’s really simple is that im just physically attracted to you. i dont remember that ever being off limits in our definition of friendship, so its hard to fathom it now. i think its that im used to being able to freely flirt and have the option to get down if i wanted to, even if that didnt necessarily lead to sex. it was the freedom of knowing that i wasnt restricted that satisfied me.

i feel limited. and i do not like to feel boxed in. i do not like physical boundaries or people that do not let me flirt with them. i am not saying that i want to be a friendly fuck for life, only that im so not oriented for friendships (that used to be ambiguous) that dont allow my physicality into play.

ok, so i know how that sounds, and honestly, how that comes off is mostly how i meant it, but im not saying entirely that i cant have friends that wont fuck me, im saying its hard to be friends with someone with whom i have always had a sort of ambiguous/open to flirtation/option of sex etc type of friendship and then suddenly feel limited physically around that person, get me? and i usually want what i feel people are deliberately denying me, and it feels quite deliberate when people go out extra out of their way to not touch my elbow or rub too closely against me. aight, we dont gotta be fuckin, but can you not be afraid to touch knees if we happen to be sleeping in the same bed?

and that very well may be it. that i want what i cant have and im stubborn. i am a defiant person by nature. especially with people i have those kinds of relationships with. and throw in the mix that me and this person are always so polar (i can count an inebriated time or two she seemed down and i chopped it), its like i am constantly chasing, but in ways that always evolve and are most of the time fun for me, i love a good chase. probably if i got any clue that she was trying i would be running for cover. which has been true in the past as i mentioned.

well im glad i got that out. ive been having hella word vomit over this because there are so few people that i havent already worn out on the subject. my friends are patient, but even i am tired of thinking/talking about it at this point. but maybe thats just what i need, to process why im feeling so limited and tempted, but not do anything about it.

flustered, frazzled, dazed, confused and wanting to fuck.

Thu, 12 Nov 2009 01:40:44 -0500

okay. today has been a waste. i spent the whole day in my cave rotting away in these dirty sweatpants (I NEED MORE TIDE) ignoring the shit out of my homework.

really, i spent the last 6 hours fantasizing about undressing a certain “off-limits” someone. WHY have i been so00 preoccupied with these images? i think in an oversimplified world, you would say it was because i still had feeelings or that i wasnt “over it”, but i like to think of myself as more evolved than that. cant i want to fuck and just wanna be your friend? the problem is kids that it would be naive of me to propose such a thing when such a thing has already been done and gone horribly wrong. but since im so bad at keeping my fucking mouth shut i havent been able to ignore these temptations and ive had a hard time backpeddling from all the sexual things i want to say (and do) while talking to this person. this has led to me unsuccessfully trying to change the subject and/or lengthy back and forths between said person trying to get me to spill the beans (“tell me!!!” “ajksjads… no!!!”).

and im such a fuck for not being able to retain myself, because while i think its quite okay for me to have my personal thoughts on the appropriateness/it-being-okay-ness of post-summer shit sex, i should probably respect other people’s opinions about it, which i’ve gathered is probably that i shouldn’t bring it up. but the ambiguity of that is too inticing for me, im not good at not knowing, so i pry and prod in sneaky ways. (my secret is that i want to know what yours is).

but there are also a lot of things i could go off of in argueing either side of the bring it up/dont bring it up issue. signals get mixed, people drink too much tequila and lick your face, awkward tension …it could all mean anything.

but WHYYY do i even give a fuck to try to fuck? im still trying to figure out why i even want to. its not like im experiencing a drought or anything, or like i have some longing to re-attach in some hidden emotional way. i think its really quite simple actually, im physically attracted, and thats all, and i cant understand why i cant just express that in the way that i want to without it having to mean that i want something deeper or come with expectations, etc. i guess because thats not fair to the other person’s process if thats not where they’re at, but thats whats hard, because its always a guessing game..

so here i am back at square one. if all the messages can be interpreted either way, what other way is there to know than to just bring it up? but bringing it up has already been siced for all the aforementioned reasons, so ive siced the very thing i’m trying to argue shouldnt be a very big deal.

oh the irony.

im just gonna keep sitting here on my green couch, mulling it all over, maybe have a day dream or two about what i really wish i could be doing…

lookatthisfuckinghipster: “This is the last time I buy coke from...

Thu, 01 Oct 2009 00:15:15 -0400

lookatthisfuckinghipster:

“This is the last time I buy coke from a five-year-old.”

bahahhahahah

Photo

Mon, 28 Sep 2009 23:21:53 -0400

Video

Mon, 28 Sep 2009 21:08:07 -0400

Dedee: I’d like a Long Island Iced Tea, please.

Wed, 23 Sep 2009 13:47:37 -0400

Dedee: I’d like a Long Island Iced Tea, please.
Bill Truitt: Is that a good idea, for the baby?
Dedee: Oh, please. This baby owes its life to Long Island Iced Teas.